How to Kill Fear That’s Killing YOU!
When you come face to face with a cougar what washes over you?
FEAR. Real fear.
“Save your life” kind of fear. “Fight or flight” kind of fear. “Release stress hormones” kind of fear. “Biologically wired” kind of fear so you are not killed. In other words, totally valid fear.
Fear of your partner leaving you, fear of letting down your boss, fear of making the wrong decision: “Not threatening your life” fears. Fake fears. Fears of something imaginary, fear of the “What if?”
These are the kind of fears that seriously impede our lives because they stop us from treading out of our safety zone and into the glorious territory of expansion. They stop us from speaking our truth in our marriage, they stop us from full self-expression in our work, they stop us from experimenting with healthy risk. They are the fears that are “killing you” inside and that need to be killed.
Here’s the truth: it’s not really that we are fearful of those things happening. What we are actually fearful of is that we can’t manage ourselves if they do. That we can’t bear the pain of the consequences. That the outcome will deprive us of one of our 5 basic biological needs as per the work of Choice Theorist, William Glasser: love, power, freedom, fun or security. We are hardwired to meet all these 5 things for survival.
If our partner leaves us, we face a deprivation of love; if we let down our boss we face a deprivation of freedom; if we choose wrongly we face a deprivation of competence (or power in other words.)
But the reality is, we do not need these circumstances to play out in certain ways in order to meet our 5 biological needs. We have the ability to meet them ourselves. When we realize this we understand we can manage any outcome.
We can meet our need for love through acts of self love, we can meet our need for freedom by sharing our vision with someone who honors it more than our boss, we can meet our need for power and competence by reminding ourselves of all the decisions that were fruitful for us. We meet these needs by generating the thoughts and feelings within us that show us they are being met.
These fears only have one purpose (and it’s not to save your life): to give you information about what biological need you are not filling for yourself that you are looking to some outer condition to fill for you.
In the video blog below I give you a simple strategy to walk through these types of fear so that they can be ameliorated and you can shift into awareness that whatever the outcome you can manage it and meet whatever needs are threatened on your own.
Killing with kindness,
Happiness Hunter and Gatherer
PS. Please share this video blog on you Facebook page today. Something tells me a lot of folks out there could use this strategy to drastically increase the quality of their lives…can you think of anyone?